It’s that time of the year again, where you don your most comfortable shoes, traipse to Universal Studios Singapore when the sun sets to come face to face with ghastly ghouls, petrifying pontianaks and more. Halloween Horror Nights is into its ninth edition, and though we’ve visited year after year (and got suitably freaked out every time), we weren’t prepared at all for Halloween Horror Nights 9 (HHN9). Seriously, we barely survived the most terrifying haunted house in HHN’s nine-year history.

Here’s all the essential info you need to make the most of your time at HHN9. Which house should you chiong to first? Which is worth queuing for? Where do you go if you need a break (and still be thoroughly entertained)? We braved our way through the HHN9 media preview to warn you of the spookiest, creepiest and grossest (it’s seriously ewwww) moments of HHN9.

This is HHN9’s main star, with it being Universal Studios Singapore’s first regional collab — the directors of Thai horror flicks 4bia and Shutter are the brains behind Curse of the Naga. We’re going out on a (severed) limb to say that this is probably the most terrifying haunted house in HHN. Ever.

The story here revolves around the Naga, a vicious Thai serpentine spirit, so expect snakes. Lots of them, in all shapessss and sizessss in the most unexpected placessss. You enter into the streets of what looks and smells like Chatuchak, though bargaining is the last thing on your mind when there’s a Thai uncle offering you a shot of snake blood. Venture further in and you’ll find yourself cowering over to avoid a canopy of snakes hanging from the ceiling, but hey, the worst is yet to come.

As you fall under the curse of the Naga, you suddenly find yourself bushwhacking through the jungles of Thailand, and finally, navigating your way through a giant serpent’s insides. As we’re squishing through the serpent’s bloody insides (like we’re cars in an automated car wash), we’re living out our worst Thai horror flick nightmares.

10/10. Actually, more like, 13/10 would recommend. This must be among the most spine-chilling experiences in HHN history, from the amazing set and fantastic details. But worst of all, it feeds into your visceral fear of everything that keeps you awake at night after watching a Thai horror flick.

This is the It place to be for aspiring clowns, but school ain’t a bed of roses. At least not for us, or anyone who has a phobia of clowns.

Everything is warped and sinister, like you’d expect in a colony of clowns. But it’s also the most photogenic haunted house at HHN9. You’ll be tempted to stop at the trippy black-and-white room where it’s either blindingly bright with flickering strobe lights or completely pitch black. There’s a psychedelic maze of colourful pool noodles that’s also amazing for snaps (above)…if you can stand the fact that there are evil clowns lurking in every corner.

9/10. As you trundle along and more and more freaky painted faces jump out at you, your mind starts to play tricks on you. Let’s just say this lingered on in our memory way longer than it should.

There are no chilling spirits here (or so we think), but stepping into this nightmarish prison will wreak psychological havoc anyway. No, not for the criminals on death row — for you.

Inmates are wasting away in a prison where hope doesn’t exist, only oppressive prison wardens and less-than-sanitary living conditions. Imagine if the world’s most notorious prisoners all had food poisoning at the same time, and then started rioting in their own waste. That’s what you’ll come across as you wade through the prison toilets. Let’s just say it looks and smells, er, very authentic. There are prisoners screaming at you as scurry through the cells, kitchens and even an execution room where you get up close with a dozen methods to die. If you’re (un)lucky enough, you’ll get to witness prisoner riots, which happen every 45 minutes.

7.5/10.​​​​​​​ Schlepping through human waste in a wet toilet that makes public toilets look like the Ritz? That’s as emotionally scarring as coming face to face with a Pontianak.

You may want to throw out all your plushies out after this. A massacre by a vengeful doll has left an entire village of souls trapped inside life-sized dolls that lurch at you from every direction. Hand-stitched dolls swing at you from above, or hurl themselves at you when you least expect, giant teddy bears attack, pieces of furniture are dancing on their own. Then there’s an a-maize-ing corn field you have to plough through in the dark.

7/10. You’ll never look at your soft toys the same way again.

Relive every Singaporean teenager’s fear-vourite rite of passage: staying overnight at a class chalet and staying up to tell ghost stories. But count yourself lucky you didn’t end up like the five teens in this chalet gathering that’s gone awry — there’s a Langsuir sighting, and the doors to an unknown realm are opened. In this creepy alternate universe, there are monstrous creatures aplenty… and even an Insta-worthy room or two.

6/10. While the chalet rooms and BBQ pits evoke nostalgic memories, it’s the mysterious realm and the collection of freaks and spirits here that are frightening yet fascinating.

WHERE TO GO FOR A BREATHER

Not gonna lie, every haunted house experience is intense, so thank the devil for the two scare zones and two live shows that are thrilling, and give you a little time to catch your breath.

Happening at the Pantages Theatre, this skit is about an undead comedy duo, Skin and Bones, who are filming their hell-arious Saturday Night Live-esque talkshow that has more than a few mishaps. Providing comic relief is a Mariah Scary and Hairiana Grande face-off at the 666th Grimmy Awards (gotta love these punny names).

For musical entertainment, there’s a Queen medley with an army of Freddie Mercurys. But the highlight of the half-hour aircon break, we mean, show, is a performance by guest star of the night, the Devil, who’s a woman with a killer bod and some fancy-(hot)pants fire-throwing and sword eating tricks.

If there should ever be a heavy metal music festival in the dystopian world of Mad Max, it’d look something like this. As you mosey through the streets of New York that have hardcore death metal performances on these ravaged streets, you have to avoid other head-banging metalheads.

All this culminates in Death Fest Live (on peak nights only), a riveting live stage show, which, at first blush, seems like a regular heavy metal gig. But watch what happens once the acrobatics start.

A scare zone where grim reapers, mummies, mountains of severed limbs, lost skulls and human sacrifice co-exist. And because it’s in a sprawling space without too many jump scares, the stroll through is a relatively placid affair, which gives you a chance to update your Instagram as you meander along.

Pause for a little bit of carnival fun at these stalls where you can throw, slam and spin your way to win giant plushies. $5 for a single game, $10 for three games. Careful, though, there are roaming clowns that may thwart your best efforts.

Halloween Horror Nights 9 is on for 16 select nights at Universal Studios Singapore from Sep 27 to Oct 31. For tickets and more info, go to www.halloweenhorrornights.com.sg.

Photos: Alvin Teo