There are many kinds of mothers in this world, such as the "tiger mum", the "helicopter mum", the "chill mum", and "the illustrated mum", a character from a children's book by Jacqueline Wilson described as erratic, with many tattoos.

My mother is none of those.

My most vivid memories of my mother were from our phone conversations, because she was often out juggling two jobs as a kindergarten teacher in the day and a tutor at night. Whenever she was not at home, she would chat with me on the phone to see how I was.

She told me very early on, before I turned eight, that she was divorced, before I even knew what a divorce really meant. She explained it to me patiently, but I still had to check the dictionary.

However, she did not have to explain to me how hard she worked. It was always past 11pm when I would hear the jingling of keys before the door creaked open slowly.

She would then make sure that my bag was packed, my homework was done, my food for the next day was ready, and check with grandma, who took the role of caregiver in my childhood, if there was anything significant that happened in the daytime.

As the only child, I sometimes felt lonely when she was away, and had to try to find pastimes for myself.

During weekends, there were always clothes to be ironed, floors to be swept, and food to be cooked. Life was cut-throat, but she would never tell me how worried she was about problems in life and at work. I learnt of this by eavesdropping when she spoke with grandma in the kitchen.

That was when I knew I could not add to her burden, seeing how exhausted and stressed out she was. As I grew up physically, so did my sense of duty and maturity, perhaps beyond my years.

The author when she was six years old in a photo taken by her mother.  Photo courtesy of Alvona Loh

When I reached secondary school, the transition was nerve-racking due to the additional number of new subjects and the shift in environment. I struggled to adapt, but my mother would encourage me ever so gently, telling me to just try my best.

Eventually, I understood that the best thing I could do for her was to focus on what I was supposed to do, so that she wouldn't have to fret over me.

Throughout my schooling years, I seldom spoke about having a single mother, mainly because my mother worried about how others would perceive us. This only changed after I had grown up, when my work and experiences became a larger part of me than being a child from a single-parent family.

Indeed, when I was in secondary school, a colleague of my mother seemed to look down on our "broken family" after my mother shared with her as a trusted friend about her divorce. Thereafter, my mother's colleague would always emphasise how happy and complete her own family is.

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My mother's colleague also noticed the scribbles in my personal journal of both daily occurrences and reflections, and mocked: "People would laugh if they ever read it."

With hindsight, that sentence was a gift, because it made me want to prove myself even when others put me down. This thought began to drive me.

The critical time when this drive proved useful was when both my secondary two English and History exams were placed on the same day. The content for both subjects began to be indistinguishable and my mind was in a whirl.

I thought I would end up writing about Sir Stamford Raffles and Asean in my English essay with the exam question "Describe the sights and sounds you experienced at a beach".

However, if I really did so, undoubtedly "people would laugh if they ever read it", fulfilling the prophecy of my mother's colleague. As I imagined this, I was filled with such fire, I quickly cleared up my mind to write an English essay relevant to the exam question.

A lot of people see growing up with only one parent as a disadvantage, but it also brought me maturity, resilience, prudence and sensibility. We often had to think about the future, for example, saving in advance in preparation for university.

The experience of having been perceived differently by others also deepened my sense of empathy, spurred me to think critically and also made me want to reach out to vulnerable groups, especially mental health patients but also people with special needs, disabilities, economic difficulties or other causes of marginalisation.

Truly, how hurtful it is, to be seen with lenses tinted with prejudice.

As a doctor with an inclination towards psychiatry, I see that many psychiatric patients continue to face discrimination in society. It is also known that some vulnerable groups are at higher risk of certain mental illnesses.

However, I observe a positive trend as well. Numerous people such as author JK Rowling and comedian Ellen DeGeneres who suffered from mental conditions before, chose to speak on their experiences with depression instead of sweeping it under the carpet.

For me, it still takes me some courage to discuss my experiences as a daughter of a single mother. 

I hope that by sharing this, single parents and their children will believe in their right to fair treatment, and that people will come to realise that all human beings deserve respect and opportunity, regardless of background.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Alvona Loh Zi Hui is a junior doctor with an interest in psychiatry and global health.