Last Saturday (Jan 5), while on the way home on a bus with my wife after finishing a class at Toa Payoh Central, our nine-year-old son said he was confident he could take the bus on his own to class.

Our home is only a few bus stops away from Toa Payoh Central.  And the destination is a bus terminal at Toa Payoh Interchange. So there is very little chance of him getting lost.

In our eyes as parents, J is a smart boy who knows how to take care of himself. Logically speaking, taking a bus on his own is not a difficult task.

But emotionally, many issues came up. What if he is bullied on the bus? What if he gets off at the wrong stop? What if he gets lost at Toa Payoh Central? What if he is involved in an accident?

Furthermore, he had never taken public transport on his own. A school bus sends him to school and back. On weekends, we go out either by our family car or by public transport as a family.

When I was in primary school, I took a school bus to and from school. I have an elder sister and we would go out together on public transport, when my parents were busy. I started to take public transport independently only when I reached Secondary 1.

But J is our only child, who does not have the benefit of being taken care of by an elder sibling.

In helping us decide whether to let him try taking a bus on his own, we took to social media to ask our friends at what age would it be safe for a child to take public transport on his own.

Interestingly, I got a wide range of answers.

Most of my friends replied their children only took public transport independently when they were in secondary school. They cited two reasons.

First, the kids would be mature and independent by the time they finish the Primary School Leaving Examination. Second, many secondary school children have activities after school time, so taking school buses back home would not be feasible.

A minority of children take bus on their own from Primary 2 or 3. Their parents would accompany their children to rehearse the same route several times before allowing them to take on their own.

Many parents would provide a safety net, by letting the children keep a mobile phone so they could call for help if they are lost.

For some families, the issue can be a cause for heated debate. A friend of mine wanted to let his child take the bus independently from Primary 3, yet his wife objected and allowed it only at Primary 5.

At the end of the day, there is no right answer on what is the right age to start. It depends on many factors, such as complexity of the route, the maturity of the child as well as the attitude of parents.

By Sunday afternoon, my wife and I decided to let J give it a try. But I was very nervous and kept thinking of all possible scenarios and even a rescue plan if J ended up getting lost.

My wife, however, was very confident that he would be fine. Even if he was lost, he would be able to ask passersby for help or phone me or my wife.

J left home by 3.30pm. By 4.10pm, we called the school who confirmed the safe arrival of J.

That was a great relief to me.

My wife actually laughed at me, thinking that I was overly anxious. Well, she walked to her kindergarten and back home on her own when she was only six years old. J probably got his brave and independent genes from his mother.

Now, J is asking if he could take a bus back home from Toa Payoh Central, after his class. The return journey is a bit more tricky as he has to cross a road and may drop off at a wrong bus stop. I don’t think we are ready for that as of now.

The experience makes me realise the importance of letting go. I need to learn to let J be independent.

He may fall or fail. But without the experience of trying, he will never learn to be independent.

The longer I hold onto J, the longer it takes for him to mature.

I was reminded of my past experience when I was promoted to a medical consultant in 2003.

While Associate Professor Benjamin Ong, my head of department back then, congratulated me, he cautioned me that first-year consultants received the most complaints from patients.

That was because junior doctors are heavily supervised by their consultants. But consultants themselves function without supervision and this may take some getting used to for new consultants. 

Assoc Prof Ong reassured me that all senior consultants went through the phase as a consultant in the first year. All the senior staff in the department would be happy to help and advise should I face difficult challenges.

I guess Assoc Prof Ong must have been as nervous then as I was as a parent now.

Ultimately though, it is not so much if my son is ready, but whether we as parents are ready to let go.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Dr Desmond Wai is a gastroenterologist and hepatologist in private practice.