The first thing you notice when meeting the legendry comedienne Joan Rivers in person isn’t how little and unintimidating she is. Or how much plastic surgery she has had. What you notice is the how alike the 80-year-old is to her TV persona on E! Fashion Police: That is to say, deliciously vulgar and delightfully offensive.

That little old lady with the blonde bouffant, heavy makeup and acid tongue which spares nary a celebrity’s fashion faux pas — we wouldn’t want it any other way. Her critiques have always been hilarious and scathing; but she is also the warmest, friendliest and most honest celebrity we’ve met. The Queen of Comedy (or Queen of Mean, depending on who you’re talking to) has made a five decade career out of being honest.

She has always been forthright about her many plastic surgeries. She has always been straightforward about her falling-out with illustrious Tonight Show host Johnny Carson. And she has always been, almost painfully, honest about her second husband’s suicide and her subsequent turbulent dark years. It was with E! Fashion Police that Rivers — who’d been a hit in the ’70s but experienced some turbulent times in the late ’80s — managed to claw her way back into this generation’s popular culture. And yes, she’s hilariously honest about celebrities and their sense of style — or lack thereof, as the case may be.

“Everybody we talk about makes 20 million dollars a movie,” she said. “So it is not like we are hitting any poor, pathetic person who is going to go home and cry.”

While her comments may be as caustic as vinegar eye-drops, Rivers comes across as a personable sweetheart deep down. She said she would be visiting Singapore this year and she’s very excited. “I hear it’s clean, modern, beautiful and the whole world is moving there!” she quipped.

Of course, I had to ask her to “fashion police” me. “I love your shoes,” she said about my Irregular Choice shoes with bunnies for heels. “And I bet you, if you wear those shoes to a bar, you’ll meet men. Are you single? A single woman should always wear something that can open a conversation, something for men to come over and say, ‘I can’t believe those shoes’. I’m telling you, always wear something that they can start a conversation with you.”

Joan Rivers — groundbreaking comedienne, unabashedly honest and chock-full of life lessons and dating tips. Who knew?

Q: You’ve taken so many potshots at so many people. Has it ever been awkward for you to meet them later?

A: Yes, of course. I’ll go to a public thing and you’ll see someone like Miley Cyrus and I’ll be like, “Oh hello!”. And she’s mad because I said that her v***** has worn out its course. So yeah, it’s very hard when you go to a party because you just want to say, it’s just a joke.

Q: Is there anything completely off-limits?

A: If I think it’s funny and not hurtful. If it’s not about a child — if you’re under 16, I’m not going to talk about your clothes. If you can drive, you can look like a whore. You know what I mean? It’s okay! So I’m careful about that. You never do anything just to be mean. There has got to be a reason for it and some people are asking for it. God bless the Kardashians. I always say to them, “Oh please! Just keep on doing things. It’s an open door!” God, thank you for the Kardasians. And there’s five of them so there is always one that looks like a jacka**! It’s so wonderful! They get it, the smart ones get it. They know they become old cliches when someone stops talking about them.

Q: You can certainly dish it out, but do you think you can take it?

A: You have to take it. But you don’t have to read about it. We get tremendous negative email like, “How dare you say that Justin Bieber looks like little lesbian ...”

Q: He kind of does ...

A: Yes, he does! You get all these emails ... I just don’t read the bad comments.

Q: Most people slow down at 80 and you’re one glorious exception. What’s the secret to longevity?

A: You’re old when you’re 30! In Hollywood, in your 30s, you’re playing mother-type roles and the men go on and on and on ... I am lucky because I think my grandmother was raped by a Cossack because we’ve got these real peasant genes in us. We come from Jews. I think my grandmother screwed around somewhere because I got this tremendous drive and tremendous energy (laughs). I’m very lucky.

Q: What red-carpet trend annoys you the most?

A: What upsets me the most is that these women have all this money and they get the dresses from the designers and they don’t alter them! So they’ll wear this most amazing dress and the hemline will be wrong. It doesn’t fit well. You have all the money in the world ... the least you could do is hem it. Or pull it up or tuck it in. That really annoys me. And the other thing that really annoys me is when you can’t say the truth about people. Take Lena Dunham from Girls. She is a brilliant girl and a brilliant writer. She is big and heavy. And her stylist put her in yellow (for the 2014 Golden Globes). She looked like a piece of butter that you want to make a lot of sandwiches. And if you dare to say that, people get upset. And they are going to say it’s all right to look like that. It’s not. You should wear black. People get very angry with me for those kinds of things.

Q: You were rejected by Johnny Carson so many times and when you finally got on his show, it was your big break. And it paved the way for female comedians. How hard is it to keep up this “Joan–standard” of jokes and how hard was it back then?

A: It has never been easy. I always think it’s going to be taken away from me, so now I do exactly what I did then. I used go to little clubs and tape my act, listen to it the next day and rewrite my jokes. And I do the same now at least twice a week. I will head back to New York tonight, and there will be a few little clubs that hold about 100 people, I will tape the act and then rewrite it. I’m never satisfied. Never ever do I think, “It’s okay, I’ll wing it!”

Q: If you could, what would you tell the 16-year-old Joan Rivers?

A: Work like a dog, don’t worry about the money! Worry about whether you’re funny. And take everything, that’s life!

Q: Wouldn’t the 16-year-old Joan already be very funny?

A: I think the 16-year-old Joan would have been a very serious actress. I play, believe it or not, a lot of Shakespeare (laughs).

Q: They say the darkest, most depressed people make the best comedians. Do you agree?

A: All comedians are depressed. It’s very hard, say on your wedding night, and you come out of the bathroom and the man you love says, “Let me unbutton your blouse,” and you say, “I’m naked”. Those things last ... black is very dark. (smiles)

Q: I love how you file all your jokes in those old school office filing cabinets. Do you still do that?

A: (laughs) Yes! I do not trust the Internet. All this “oh, the Internet is down”; or “oh, we lost it”. You’re not going to lose my jokes! I write them down and I file them.

Q: What’s the best and worst thing about being Joan Rivers right now?

A: The best thing is I’m working, at this age. And I’m working on a hit show. It doesn’t get any better. The worst thing is my body. Oh my dear, I’m talking to you and my toes are being warmed by my breasts.

Q: How does anyone keep a straight face on Fashion Police with zingers like that?

A: What makes Fashion Police work is the fact that they (co-hosts George Kotsiopoulos, Giuliana Rancic, Kelly Osbourne) laugh! That’s what so great about it. I have my own audience. It’s so great.

Q: Who is on your all-time best-dressed and worst-dressed list?

A: For best-dressed, it’s usually Cate Blanchett. Stunning. She looked like a star at the Golden Globes! I think if you’re a star, look like a star. I think she usually looks wonderful. Halle Berry too is very classy: “I’m a star, and you’re not” — that’s the way she walks down the carpet. Sharon Stone in the old days — when she walked out of that limo, she owned the carpet. That’s the way you should do it. For worst-dressed: Helena Bonham Carter. God bless her. She has been sent to give me jokes. God said, “What do you want?” I said, “I want a funny person that I can make jokes about.” She never disappoints.

See Joan Rivers in E! Fashion Police tonight, 8pm on Starhub TV Ch 441. The special episode, Fashion Police: The 2014 Academy Awards, will be telecast on March 5 at 6.30pm.