I refer to recent media reports about the submissions by groups such as the Association of Women for Action and Research and Focus on the Family on the “amicable divorce” option that the Ministry of Social and Family Development (MSF) is considering.

First, let me say that I used to be a lawyer in private practice and my work included divorce cases. 

I am also a divorcee with children. I, therefore, speak with some experience on this matter.

It is very misplaced to think that just because we give people the option to get divorced amicably, this will encourage people to get divorced. 

Anyone who has been married will tell you that people rarely get married or divorced on a whim. 

It is a relationship people think very carefully about before entering into and, when they are married, they think very long and hard before they decide to divorce, more so when children are involved.

We need to realise that there is a difference between the decision to get divorced and the process of getting divorced. 

Having the option to divorce amicably simply means that if a couple has already decided to get divorced, you are enabling them to execute the process in a way that is less acrimonious (by having to assign blame) or delayed (by having to show that they have separated for at least three years) than it now is.

So the question is: Do we think that having the option of divorce without assigning blame or proving at least three years of separation would encourage people to get divorced? And that making them blame somebody or wait an extra three years would dissuade them from getting divorced? 

In my 15 or so years of practice, not one client changed his or her mind about getting divorced because the process was too painful or long.

As Focus on the Family said, adults should bear the responsibility of working through their differences. 

But what if they cannot do so? 

Are the current laws making people decide to try harder to save their marriages? 

People try to save a marriage for themselves, for their family, and especially for their children, regardless of administrative issues. 

If they cannot do that but choose to stay together because of the difficulty of getting divorced, that difficulty is not encouraging reconciliation — it only prolongs an unhappy household.

Isn’t it better — and kinder — to help such couples move on with their lives with less acrimony and stress?

It is not the process of getting divorced that deters people from getting divorced.

It is the emotional, practical and financial challenge of ripping apart a family that causes people to think very carefully before deciding to divorce, especially when children are involved. 

Making it less painful to divorce does not affect those considerations.

MSF’s aim is to support families and reduce the acrimony in divorce proceedings. 

Making that process smoother for couples must surely be a step in the right direction.

ABOUT THE WRITER:

Ms Sugidha Nithiananthan runs her own business consultancy. She was a lawyer in private practice for about 15 years and an in-house general counsel for 10 years.

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